Softly Strengthened: How Death Can Breathe New Life.... In Loving Memory

Sometimes we forget what's really important. We get so wrapped up in our daily routines and task lists that we forget how precious life really is... until God reminds us... I had gotten in a place of frustration and felt stuck on the hamster wheel. I didn't know how to change my attitude but knew it needed to change. Unfortunately, I didn't realize the way God would change my attitude.

We take so much for granted and I was reminded of that last week. I had just spoken to Andrea on Wednesday, March 11th, just a short visit while I let her borrow my blender and we caught up on life. We had talked about her illness (she was diagnosed with lupus in 2008 and renal failure in 2009), our marriages, and prayer. It was just a nice little visit, but something stuck out to me (in hindsight). She had mentioned how someone came to pray for her and how she just felt lifted up in a way that she had never experienced before. She then talked about an experience she recently had at a Thursday night church service and that she felt a cool breeze when a person touched her and prayed over her. Andrea said that the person praying for her had told her that God was going to heal her. As Andrea said this sentence out loud, a voice spoke to me in my mind telling me "sometimes healing doesn't come in this life". I had no idea that voice was warning me of what was to come.

Two days later, I saw messages on her Facebook saying "RIP". I couldn't believe what I was seeing. So, as my husband and I got more information, we found out that Andrea had died, but had been revived and was now on life support in the hospital. Once I found out the details and did more research, I realized that Andrea wasn't going to make it. Per Andrea's wishes, she was removed from life support, after her immediate family could come to say their goodbyes, Sunday evening. The weekend felt so heavy and I really struggled with 'wanting' to go to church on Sunday, but I knew it was exactly where I needed to be.

I can see God's grace laced throughout this devastating experience. I have peace because I know Andrea was a believer and I believe that she is now at the feet of Jesus and she is getting to worship Him! It's so amazing how God can speak to us. Our church pastor, Toby, records his messages for the weekend services on Thursday nights. The message I watched on Sunday 3/15 was recorded Thursday 3/12, before anything happened to Andrea. This just shows me the sovereignty of our Lord and how He uses His Word and other people to speak into our situations.

During worship, our worship leaders sang Jesus at the Center, part of the lyrics say:

"Nothing else matters, nothing else will ever do
Jesus at the center, it's all about You (Jesus)"

As someone was praying before communion, they reminded us Jesus was 33 when He went to the cross for us (Andrea was 34 and this just spoke to me in the moment). I just had to remind myself that God's plan is the perfect plan, no hurt is wasted, He knows why He chooses to do what He does/when He does.

God's Word is truth, so although this loss hurts, there are plans to prosper each of us through this. We can all grow and use this to better ourselves, better our relationships, and remember we are here for a short time and that we each have a purpose to fill. What are we doing to make a difference in our circles of influence?

So as my brain starts to run away with thoughts and reassurance of knowing who God is, He speaks to me in the song we would be studying during our service on Sunday, "God of this City". I wasn't just hearing the worship leader sing the song, it was as if God was telling me himself:

"Greater things are yet to come.
Greater things are still to be done.
There is no one like our God."

So Toby opened up the sermon asking "What are moments that have defined you?"

The night before, I had just started to think more about: What am I doing with my life? What am I teaching my kids? What am I leaving behind for others?

Andrea with her husband and daughter

Andrea had hopes and desires that were not fulfilled in this life. Am I so busy being distracted by the things that are not going the way that I want them to, that I can't live for the moment? I'm not saying Andrea was living in the mindset of the being distracted, not living for the moment. That is my struggle, and her life just spoke to me to hopefully change my way of thinking. I need to quit living for myself and get busy serving others. I want to get myself and my kids involved in our community and make a difference for others. We each have a unique purpose and if we have a willing heart, God will show us where He wants us to go.

I praise God in this trial because I can see that He is at work. He has changed my thought process, which I hope to be disciplined and act on what He is teaching me. He has brought peace in a really sad situation and He has allowed us to minister to and to comfort one another.

Not only did we share fun times together when our families gathered, but Andrea Conde has hopefully started some lasting changes in my life. What better way could I honor her and God, than by changing my life to serve others.

Andrea, I am sure I'll miss you so much more than what I even think I realize now, but I trust God to get me through these difficult moments.

God gave me this verse today, on the day of Andrea's funeral:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 NIV